


burn me, one more time

by FallenSilently



Series: the broken, lost, and damned [1]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Emotionally Repressed, Friends With Benefits, Haikyuu Angst Week 2020, Implied/Referenced Sex, Longing, M/M, Pining, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-02
Updated: 2020-11-02
Packaged: 2021-03-09 05:53:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,607
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27329848
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FallenSilently/pseuds/FallenSilently
Summary: “What do you need tonight?” Sakusa asked as he dropped his hands to hold Atsumu’s tighter."Help me forget, Omi-kun."
Relationships: Miya Atsumu/Sakusa Kiyoomi
Series: the broken, lost, and damned [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1996435
Kudos: 57
Collections: Haikyuu Angst Week 2020





	burn me, one more time

**Author's Note:**

> For Haikyuu Angst Week 2020   
> Day 1 || longing, unrequited love

Atsumu wasn't cryingㅡat least not anymore. There were stains of red under his eyes and his breathing hitched as he dropped himself onto Sakusa’s couch. "They got back together." He whispered as his hands covered his face.

Sakusa stared at him for a moment before he spoke, "You look absolutely terrible," He sits besides him, keeping a comfortable distance between them.

“'Ya don't hafta rub it in, Omi-Omi”

_I hate seeing him like this._

Everyone knewㅡhell, even Atsumu himself knew that it was only a matter of time when Hinata Shoyou would fall back into the graces of Kageyama Tobio’s arms. It was inevitable, Sakusa once said. It was inevitable the moment their eyes met back in their match against Schweiden Alders. Sakusa saw the way Hinata’s eyes cleared when Kageyama’s name was echoed through Sendai arena. He saw the way Hinata’s lips curled into a broken smile as if he wanted to laugh--or maybe he did want to laugh. Their orange-headed spiker had always been smiles and happiness, but that smile spoke of something else. Was it the realization of finally facing the love he intends to bring back home to him? Sakusa never knew. All he knew was that at that moment Hinata Shoyou’s heart opened its door again to the raven-haired setter and that was something his dear Miya Atsumu could only yearn for.

_Sakusa hated seeing Atsumu like this._

As much as he wanted to pin the blame on their opposite hitter, he couldn’t. Sakusa knew this was all Atsumu’s doing. This was the consequence brought about by the setter’s own choices. He knew exactly what he was getting into. He knew his wing spiker still had his heart for the man he called his a long time ago. He knew that he would never see him the same way as he did. He knew. He knew, yet here he was, his head on Sakusa’s lap after he closed their distance, laying silent as his heart broke into a million pieces.

_This was dangerous._

Sakusa felt a hand cupping his cheek, an invitation to be looked at. He brought his own hand to place on top of the Atsumu’s, the one on his own cheeks. Atsumu’s beautiful, Sakusa declared in the silence of his heart. Suddenly, he had forgotten about the situation they were in, the agreement they both uphold. Suddenly, he thought about the world and that world being only him and Atsumu. Suddenly, the truth that is Hinata Shoyou and the lie that is Sakusa Kiyoomi did not exist.

* * *

_Only when I need you and only when you need me._

Truthfully, Sakusa had wanted this. He didn't mean to at first, but when he saw Atsumu's eyes dulled to nothing, hiding sadness behind loud smiles and happy cheerings, he couldn't bear it. Atsumu deserved the whole world, but the world he wanted was something that can never be his. And SakusaㅡSakusa was willing to give him everything. He was ready to give and give just as Atsumu would.

He knew of Atsumu’s feelings towards Hinata Shouyou since high school and Atsumu knew of Sakusa’s little unrequited admiration for the ace of Shiratorizawa. Six years later and the only difference is that Sakusa got over his feelings years agoㅡAtsumu didn’t. Atsumu didn’t know lots of things. He didn’t know Hinata would come back from Brazil and try-out for MSBY Black Jackals. He didn’t know he and Kageyama broke up before Hinata left, and he didn’t know Sakusa had fallen for him in their third year of high school.

Maybe it was those pent up feelings from years ago that led him to this situation. Why else would he make himself suffer by staying and watching the love of his life break and fall apart? Atsumu loved Shoyou from a distance, and Sakusa had to stay and watch. (And stay and watch, he did.)

It was 4 o’clock in the afternoon at the MBSY headquarters and Sakusa was just about to leave the gym when Atsumu called him from the court “Omi-kun”. Sakusa looked at the blonde setter with a ball in his hands. “Would d’ya mind hitting some sets for me?” He wiped his hands on a towel he had on his shoulders, shook his head and said, “Rest up, Miya. We’ve got a game next week and we’d all appreciate it if you don’t overexert yourself.”

A sly smirk curled on Atsumu’s lips, a challenge. Something in Sakusa yelled ‘look away’. Another part of him asked to stay. “Awe, yer concerned for me, Omi-Omi? C’mon! We’ll be quick.”

“We’ll be up against the Adlers next week, are you sure you don’t wanna reserve your energy?” Atsumu froze up at the mention of Adlers. _Ah_ , Sakusa realized. _So this is what this is about_. Sakusa sighed as he placed his towel down on a chair he kept at the corner of the gym for all his stuff. He grabbed a ball from the cart and threw it at Atsumu “10 hits, and we’re done.” He gave a soft smile, as if he was saying thank you, and threw it back at Sakusa to receive. He bumps the ball perfectly and it goes up into Atsumu’s graces. Left. Right. Left. Sakusa ran for the approach as Atsumu sets the ball perfectly into the palm of his hands.

That night, they finished at 20 hits before they closed up the gym. They shared the comfortable silence as they walked out of the complex. “So, what’s gotten you so on edge with our match against them next week?” Sakusa asked, already knowing the answer.

Atsumu continued to gaze on the path beyond them, not looking at Sakusa. “Shouyou-kun’s gonna debut in our match against ‘em,” Atsumu started. There was a certain kind of fondness behind that voice, one that also hid pain. “I just wanna bring out his absolute best.”

Sakusa raised an eyebrow at him, silently asking if that was all there was to it. Both of them knew that wasn’t the only reason. Naturally, Astumu would want to bring out the best in his spikers and he was the best at it, too. He was always so selfless, in and out the court. _To what extent would he become so selfless?_ Atsumu stopped in his tracks and turned around to face Sakusa. The sun behind him made a halo around his skin, the orange sunset dancing around his wisps of his hair. He looked as beautiful as the sun, but his eyes held rain.

“Shouyou-kun’s gonna see Tobio-kun again after all these years.” His lips curled into a broken smile. “I don’t think I can handle seeing him fall in love with him all over again.”

Sakusa could have sworn he heard his heart break, but he wasn’t about to just fall apart right there. Sakusa, of all people, should have known what it felt like to see someone you love fall in love with someone else. He went through it with Wakatoshi once, but he got over it immediately. It was a small middle school crush, after all. But with Atsumu, it’s different. With Astumu, every lingering touch felt like fire under his skin. His voice itched into the depths of his memory ever since they’ve been together in the under-19 training camp. His smile, forever captivating, forever something he wanted to wake up to every morning for the rest of his life. Too bad that’s something he’ll never get. With Atsumu, every single touch, every single call, every single smile he gives to Hinata still feels like swords in his chest, waiting to be pulled out.

“What do you want to do then?” Sakusa asked, despite hearing the beating of his heart getting louder and louder by the second. “Make yourself forget?”

Atsumu titled his head in confusion, clearly wanting an explanation. “How d’ya propose I do that, Omi-omi? Are you suggesting weㅡ”

"Do you want to?" Sakusa returned the question. _Let me be selfish for once_ , Sakusa wanted to say. _Let_ me _make you forget_.

"Iㅡ” Atsumu stared at him for a while, completely lost in his thoughts before he spoke again. “Yes. But only when I need you and only when you need me.”

_Only when I need you and only when you need me._

* * *

“What do you need tonight?” Sakusa asked as he dropped his hands to hold Atsumu’s tighter.

There were nights when misery loves company and there were nights when they’d listen to their bodies. Both of them never thought it would last this long. But then one night turned into two and two turned into four until they ended up finding themselves tracing each other’s bodies like a map. When Atsumu finally looked up to Sakusa, his eyes gazed heavier than before. “Help me forget, Omi-kun”

That's all he said before crashing his lips onto him. Sakusa hesitates at first. He didn't know whether to end this before it began or if he'd let Atsumu burn him one more time. All he knew was that if this was the only way he gets to hold him at night, even if the name on his lips when they're in bed isn’t his, he’d hold on to itㅡto this. Sakusa closed his eyes and returned the kiss, hot and heavy. He put an arm behind the blonde's neck, guiding both of them to his bed . Atsumu's hands were all over the other's back. Touching, feeling, longing. Sakusa knew he couldn't stop whatever this wasㅡwhatever they're gonna beㅡbut if it means he gets to keep him just like this for a little while longer, he'd take it.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey! Before I say anything else, English is not my first language so please be gentle with me. This is the first time I've actually finished writing a ficlet for Sakuatsu and I had quite a fun time writing this. I intended for this to be a twitter thread fic but I wrote so much than I originally thought I would so I opted to post it on here (and I might add more to this series someday, too).
> 
> I hope y'all were able to enjoy this! (Despite the angst, but hey, that's what we're here for)  
> Hit me up on twitter (@/prettysugawara) if you wanna scream at me for this and please do not hesitate to leave a comment and kudos on here, as well.
> 
> Thank you! 
> 
> [A huge thank you to my parabatai for reading my brainrot before I posted this. Thank you, always <3]


End file.
